The beginning

It’s hard to know where to start. Do I start when I first met my partner? when he first drank alcohol? when he first started getting treatment? I really don’t know when it began.

My boyfriend and I first started seeing each other at a party when we were both 17. Ironically, we’d both had too much to drink when we found each other. I can’t speak for my partner, but I knew it was serious quite early on. He brought out the spontaneous in me, broadened my horizons, and made me laugh. I love him and I always will.

 

Despite the alcohol, my life is better with him in it.

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Finding my voice

I have finally allowed myself to take my life off hold.

My name is Claire, and I’m an alcoholic (‘s girlfriend).

For almost a year now, I’ve felt powerless and isolated; hurt and angry; terrified and silenced.

I am NOT an alcoholic but at times I wish I were.

Let me start at the beginning. I live with my boyfriend of almost six years and he is an alcoholic. I had no idea at the start of our relationship that he was an alcoholic. I’m not sure he did either. I knew that he drank a little too much, but he didn’t match the description of an alcoholic that I had been shown by the media. He was a fantastic student, with a loving family, plenty of money and a bright future.

Unfortunately, anxiety got in the way and he started turning to alcohol more and more. The drinking became a coping mechanism. Then, at some indistinguishable point, he became unable to stop.

I’m writing this blog to share MY recovery.

I want to share tips, experiences and anecdotes that are allowing me to cope with his disease. WE, the loved ones of an alcoholic, are often damaged and without hope.

I have finally allowed myself to take my life off hold. I refuse to lose any more time.

I hope that this blog can be useful for others. I have scoured the internet searching for resources to help me to survive and have been infuriated and frustrated that I haven’t found any. I used to feel angry that this person who had hurt me was receiving help and that myself, his VICTIM, was always turned away. I want to stop feeling like a victim and stop aiming to just survive. I want to LIVE.