Relapse is the most difficult term to comprehend for the loved one of an addict. The emotional turmoil created, often without notice, can be unbearable.

In my case, relapse has occurred more times than I’d care to share. Sometimes I have an idea that it may have happened, other times I am completely blindsided. In the majority of cases I just stumble across an empty bottle in the house.

I’m trying to find a way of preserving my own emotions and supporting my boyfriend at the same time. I want to say “I don’t expect you to stop drinking, that way I’ll never be disappointed”. But this signifies to my partner that I don’t have faith in him. It’s a really difficult position to be in.

I’m trying to lower my expectations slowly because they are always too high. I now need to stop letting myself be ruined by the actions of someone else. This doesn’t mean that I’m going to leave him or stop supporting him. It is merely an act of self preservation.

I think I need to come back to this one, as I’m sure he’ll go back to alcohol.


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